kelong!

I am going kelong this sat!
so excited. hope it will be fun~

ups and downs

2009 had been a very "heart attacking" year for me.

1. Managed to complete my FYP and got A+ for it!
It has been a wonderful experience working with Wan Wei and Qing Ning. Late night discussions, lots of reading and meeting up with our "fierce" Prof Chang (ok la, not that fierce). Everything in NTU is so good. I really miss the carefree life that i had back then.

2. I finally graduated from NTU. Its something that i is worth being happy / unhappy about.
Happy that i am able to graduate and able to go find myself a job and earn my own living.
Unhappy that i am not in the protected world anymore. The real world outside is so dangerous.

Getting a job is no easy feat. I went for alot of interviews and I thought I got into my dream company but i ended up not liking my job. No doubt, the benefits of the job and the pay is good, but then i dont enjoy doing the job. Its a very dilemma feeling.

3. Being in such a difficult position for my job, I thought God will be fair to me by "making it up" in other areas of my life. Then something really struck me hard. I suddenly found myself all alone in the relationship. He left me. Due to some differences that we had.

I thought all was well, then suddenly came the cool off period and boom, everything is gone. No more.
Everything came so fast that I could not take it at all. I feel so helpless and lonely. Though I have the company of my friends, but that is totally different. My "life-long partner" is gone, no more such person anymore, no more.

Can you imagine the promises and the dreams that we both had, it all vanished into thin air. No more "I love you forever" and "I will stay by your side no matter what", its all gone. No more future plans to have a family and kids, its all gone. No more home made morning breakfast that we used to have, no more. All are gone.

Thats it, 3.5 years of time, gone. We spent thousand over days together, no more. All gone.
Just because of some differences that we had. Just because someone came into your life. Just because of that.

Dont you even cherish what we had been through? Years vs months? I really feel like dying, so i wont feel the pain, the wrenching feeling anymore.

The feeling is so sucky that i totally cant describe it in words.

Facing the 2 major hiccups in my life now, i feel so drained.
Dont feel like doing anything at all. I hope i could turn back time. To start all over again.
Ultimately, i need to have a goal in life. I hope that could keep me motivated.

In all, 2009 is a bad year for me.
I hope 2010 will be a better year for me. I sincerely hope so.